The Bespectacled Bachelor and his Elusive Amazon
It feels great to be back to blogging after a lengthy absence, but I assure you, it was not all for naught. Over the past month, I've received acceptance letters from my three journalism grad schools! Now that the apps are done with, I hope I'll have more time to devote to this fledgling little blog.Now that we've exchanged pleasantries (or at least I've offered mine), here's what I've been wanting to talk about for quite awhile. And I say "talk" because I truly hope that some of you will get back to me with your thoughts on this or anything else I write. I think of the blog - and journalism as a whole, really - as more of a dialouge than a lecture. Here we go...
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I walked the chilly block to our local Starbucks. I needed to study for a final the next day and he was reading. It was crowded in the coffeeshop that night, so we sat in close proximity to two guys about our age.
The guy doing most of the talking was thin and wearing glasses. Shifting his cardboard coffee cup between his hands, he described to his companion the latest in his romantic travails. He boasted about his many dates (apparently he was a Starbucks regular and met many a caffienated lady during his evenings there) and joked about a particularly buxom co-worker.
But this is what caught my attention. I'll try to transcribe the quote as accurately as possible, but several weeks and several more Starbucks visits tend to dull the memory. He said, "I think it must be that she feels uncomfortable because she's taller than me."
My ears perked, my eyes wandered. Could this bespectacled bachelor be analyzing his relationship with the elusive amazon that got away?
I thought only women analyzed their relationships.
Perhaps I'm being unfairly stereotypical, but despite the articles I've read about the feminization of the modern male and the neurotic men of sitcoms, I'd yet to meet a single man who thought this hard about his relationship with a woman.
Sure, men in love are sometimes worse than their female counterparts when it comes to obsessing about a relationship, but for a guy who is casually dating to speculate the cause of his relationship's demise seemed new and different.
Could this be the beginning of the end for gender roles? Are we embarking on a new chapter in the history of the human race? As women become more concerned with equality in the workplace, will men take over the traditional female role of relationship caretaker?
Yackety yack - please talk back!
posted by Tina @ 8:06 PM
3 Comments:
I think most guys could analyze relationships if they had the empathy or emotional depth to do so. The problem I think with guys in failed or faulty relationships is that we'll over-simplify the perceived problems: she was too demanding, she was treating me like an ATM, she wouldn't put out, or the ever-popular "she was a bitch." In my opinion, love is defined as accepting someone for everything they are and everything they're not. I think guys who grew up in a female-dominated family and/or have been in more relationships and dated more girls can better understand women, dating and relationships. I think a core problem in relationships is that often times neither person is emotionally honest with the other: guys hide their feelings and girls only talk about their feelings with their girlfriends. But as for your original question, we guys can be heartfelt, understanding and compassionate if we just take the time to be honest with her and the guy is more honest with himself, his feelings and intentions -- unless the playoffs are on TV.
When I first read the words of the “bespectacled bachelor” I saw nothing out of the ordinary. Sure, men are generalized as having not the slightest clue about clearly expressing their emotions to, oh for example, women, but this cannot be a generally accepted view when it’s simply untrue.
Sometimes, we try to confide in people who understand us, who can empathize with our feelings, and in this case it was simply a man-to-man talk. If this bachelor’s fleeting love had called it quits without much valid reason, I think you too would tend to seek an explanation. There has been no sudden, inexplicable change to wrench those secret feelings from deep within the hearts of men, but it is the fact that as we progress in society, we grow increasingly equal in that society. As women continue to take the roles of both the housewife and the bread-earning parent, the gap of inequality begins to close. Does this mean that men will have to pick up the slack that women left behind when they began their quest for fairness? We’ll have to wait and see, but that same masculinity that keeps men from freely expressing their emotions is the same masculinity that will prevent them from relinquishing their dominating roles in American society.
Wouldn’t being on an equal emotional plane increase understanding in relationships and, in turn, save many troubled ones? Couldn’t this help to solve the looming problem of sexism in the workplace? Might this emotional equality lead to a healthier, more expressive society as a whole?
I don’t see how this is a bad thing.
- Joe (PinkPolitic’s kid brother)
There is a Dave Barry analogy that fits this question. Every women should read "Dave Barry's Guide to Guys" because it does help shed light on how we think -- or don't think.
Roger and Elaine are sitting in Roger's car after a date, and she says to him, "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been dating for six months?" Roger doesn't say anything. Elaine then thinks: Geez, maybe I upset him by saying that, maybe he's feeling confined by our relationship, maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he's not ready for or maybe that I'm not ready for. Roger then thinks to himself, "Six months? Man, I gotta take my car in for an oil change."
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