the pink politic

In loathe with certain men of New York

Why do some men believe they have the right to blatantly objectify women?

This morning, I was on a near empty subway car headed to Sunset Park to do some reporting. The only other person in my train car was a man sitting all the way at the other end. He was listening to music on an iPOD.

When the doors opened, another man got on. He sat directly across from me and openly stared. When I looked up from my newspaper, hoping he would feel embarrassed and look away, he just kept staring and chuckled this disgusting "heh heh heh" kind of laugh. And then he kept right on staring until the next stop.

I was made to feel so uncomfortable that I got off the train two stops early and walked 20 blocks (one mile) to my destination.

This happens everywhere, not just in the city and certainly not just to me. But it never gets any easier. I once heard a story about a woman who was so uncomfortable about the comments men made as she walked to work that she bought a car so she could drive to work instead.

I don't know who is to blame. Is it the media? Parents? Society in general that makes it acceptable for this kind of behavior? I wonder how these men would feel if they were stared at like a an animal in the zoo and frightened to tears.

But what can we do? I felt like screaming at this man, kicking him, telling him what a poor excuse for a person he is, but I didn't. I got up and got out of a bad situation because that's what I was taught to do. But what happens when he does it to the next woman and the next? What if it becomes more than uncomfortable stares?

How can you deal with a problem that is too subtle to define by law, yet so pervasive that it affects women's daily lives? I wish I didn't have to always be on high alert on the subway and on the street, but I always am.

posted by Tina @ 7:37 PM